Is resistance a good or bad thing? It depends on who wins the war. Those who resisted the Axis in the Second World War on behalf of the Allies were later heralded as heroes and venerated; those on the losing side were labelled villains and, in some cases, vilified.
Life — physically and mentally — can feel much the same. If we overcome resistance, we are celebrated; if we do not succeed, we tend to crumble. Yet if we move beyond viewing resistance as simply a win–loss aspect of life, resistance can be seen as a gift that keeps on giving. We are designed to build physical and mental strength — we just need persistence, patience and practice.
When I was with the All Blacks, the team held an overwhelming belief: if we were within six points of the opposition with 10 minutes to play, we would win — and mostly, we did. While we could empathise with the losing opponents, absorbing their pain was not a priority; it was treated as an outcome we wanted to avoid. Unfortunately, in daily life, resistance challenges us all, and our lives are shaped by how we respond to those challenges.
As we exited the team bus before formal dinners, All Blacks captain Graham Mourie always said: “Humble in victory, proud in defeat.” The team enjoyed the first half of that saying more than the second. Yet the captain’s words are a truism we should all remember when we are influenced by favourable or unfavourable pressures and outcomes.
As society — not bureaucracy — makes many things easier, the more we seem to be influenced by others’ opinions, the less confidence we have in self-reliance. Will we eventually be influenced to remove all our own conviction? As we sometimes see in court, might we even be led down the weakest pathway to conviction?
“Influencers” are a growing trend. While we may think, that’s not for me — that’s for teenagers and younger people, the truth is that we are all influenced by trends. Often you’ll see media headlines (and does “social media” imply that other media is antisocial?) such as: A billionaire’s top five books are… or The five books to take to a tropical desert island. The headlines grab attention — but after reading a billionaire’s five recommendations, how many readers become billionaires? And when is your next trip to a tropical desert island?
This is not to dismiss recommended reading — education is wealth — but it is a reminder to be mindful of who is influencing you, and why.
Before selection, the SAS provides a recommended reading list. One gem that stood out is Influence by Robert Cialdini — over five million copies sold, and a powerful read.
One of the best lessons on influence is our lack of polite persistence when trying to achieve a goal. Few people will face resistance four times and still maintain their original position — yet sometimes both the challenger and the challenged need to persist through four attempts before the outcome changes.
“Mum and Dad, can I go to the movies on Saturday?”
“No.”“Can I go if I’m home on time?”
“No.”“Can I go if I clean my room?”
“Maybe.”“I’ll babysit my sister next week too.”
“Yes.”
Four attempts, and a complete reversal of influence — a win for the son or daughter, and an influence loss for the parents.
How many times in court are you subtly browbeaten into submission by the prosecutor or defence? Conversely, how many times outside the courtroom do you miss full achievement because you gave up one attempt too early?
Resistance to interrogation is part of Defence Force training. The interrogator needs persistence; the interrogated needs patience. We all have patience, but too often it lies dormant. It took about a year and a half to learn to stand up — patience. It took about a year and a half to learn to stand up — persistence. It takes 10–20 years after high school to become a judge: persistence and patience.
Careers New Zealand
https://www.careers.govt.nz/jobs-database/law/judge
Entry requirements include holding a Bachelor of Laws (LLB), completing a Professional Legal Studies course, and having at least seven years’ legal experience.
We are all influenced by others. One of my favourite sayings is:
Who am I?
My name is …………….. but that is not who I am.
I am a part of every person I have met — the good, the bad, the ugly.
May the good be the most influential.
Postscript: Hopefully this article has influenced you for good.